Friday, January 7, 2011

Day 170: Freedom

We are officially a full week into 2011 today!  Blink, and February will be here.

I am 16 lbs. from the midway point in my journey, as of my last weigh-in.

Wow, I had to sit back and absorb that for a minute.

When I started my blog (July 20th), I was looking at the need to lose 162 lbs. I had to lose more than I would ideally weigh some day. It is not a small number.

And yet, almost without realizing it, I've peeled back the years. The last time I was 240-something was circa 1993. That was 18 YEARS ago. And these last six months have just flown by. I feel as if I barely just started a short while ago.

Perspective is a funny thing, isn't it?

I'm enjoying the 240s much more on the way down, than I ever did on the way up. I'd almost forgotten what I was able to do back then. One of the sad side affects of morbid obesity is the slow giving-up of lots of little things - the ability to bend down to tie my shoes, to easily sit in any booth, or being able to just comfortably maneuver in a regular bathroom stall. I slowly adjusted to not having these abilities, and am now enjoying the freedom I've regained.

I'm appreciating it more the second time around. I take nothing for granted. I am becoming ... free.

I shouldn't squander my new-found freedom either.  Clyde is relishing his, looking forward to his first marathon on the 23rd.  How is that measured exactly?  In joy, of course!  The freedom to run ...


When we are confined, by our own weight, we forget what movement feels like. We do less and less of it, as the scale moves up. And, once we give it up, regaining it isn't easy. It is work. I've started walking (barely, but it is a start). I'd almost forgotten how good it can feel, with the sunshine on my face and the fresh air filling my lungs. I don't look down when I walk, though I probably should. Instead, I look skyward, out in the distance.

I am starting to recognize once-familiar treasures, unappreciated at the time, long lost to me, but beginning to return:  having a little extra energy to expend, taking a few stairs - two at a time - walking from my car across the parking lot at the grocery store, with a little spring in my step - energy. I'd almost forgotten.

It isn't that I was feeling particularly lacking in energy, but now that I've regained some, I realize I forgot just how much energy I used to have. 

Make sense?

I won't be so willing to give it up again.  I take nothing for granted, not anymore. 


  1. I'm jealous that you are able to walk outside! It's -1 windchill at the moment so I'll stick to my treadmill.

    Funny, while I don't particularly ENJOY the exercise, I do feel a sense of accomplishment for actually DOING it and being regular about it. I guess that's something. So glad to hear about your new found energy! It's only going to get better!

    You asked about reaching the 220's for me? I was SOOOOO hoping to this week but the stupid scale isn't moving! I'll be lucky if I'll be able to report 1 lb. down. I've been eating so well too! Grrr.

  2. Same here (so far). I hopped on the scale this morning, and zero movement. What gives? I've been very careful to follow the diet outline too, and now even added the exercise. I was hoping to be kissing 240 this weekend. I really REALLY want to see the 230s soon!

    I don't own a treadmill. I really don't have a place to put one. It is the perfect solution to inclement weather though. The Y is having a big open house on the 11th (to celebrate their "rebranding" from YMCA to "The Y") so maybe I need to visit our local Y and check out their treadmills. Tuesday is 1.1.11

  3. Just wanted to drop by and congratulate you on reaching 51 !
    I've noticed you comment on Carbtrippers blog daily and watching you inch up to your challenge number has been exciting for me to see. So cheers to you Sister!

  4. Ann - Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! Also a big thanks for the congrats, I am pretty excited.

    Now..WOW you are doing so great! I just found your blog so I am reading up on it about amazing! 85 pounds gone in a year?! YOU are the inspiration. Keep up the great work and I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog, it's a great one.

  5. I SO relate to this freedom. This is what I am feeling EVERY DAY!! It may get old to the people I share it with but after being in "prison" for 25yrs... it is no small thing. You explain it so well in this post. You are a gifted, writer, ya know that? I am excited for you in all these positive changes you're experiencing. It is SO COOL!!

    God Bless!

  6. Thank you L.A. Annie, most sincerely, for your kind words. (And welcome to my blog.) I think I'll master the mid-term challenge (to lose 60 lbs in one year), with 224 days left and only 9 lbs to go. I remember thinking, back in September, "it'll be close." HA ... not even. I've been working hard though. I am so grateful to Kathy for that throw down. (For those wondering what we're talking about, see my tab labeled "Goals & Challenges")

    Hi Vinny! Always happy to have new people stop by. Who doesn't love an engagement story? Your blog was fun to read today, and Patrick (blog: Responsibility 199) linked to you, which is how I found your post. You'll have to keep us updated on the wedding planning, as that unfolds, because we girls eat up that stuff. Thank you for your kind words as well. Like you (and like most of us), I blog to keep myself accountable, and motivated. It is good for me to look back at where I've been, which encourages me (or scares me, as the case may be) to keep moving forward. Onward and downward, as they say ...

    Good luck to all. It is a tough journey, but keep reading other blogs. There are some wonderful success stories out there - great inspiration for the rest of us!

  7. Thank you, Margene. High praise indeed, coming from you! I can't imagine what YOUR energy level must be now!! You need to blog about that, in a sort of "then and now" style.

    Okay, MARGENE (several posts above) is one of those success stories. You MUST check her blog out. It is one of my favorites to visit for pure inspiration.

  8. Very inspiring post. It's the little things that I miss and hope to do again some time soon.

  9. I am so happy for you Ann. This is just amazing. Love this post! Gracie

  10. LOVE IT, Ann!!! It sounds like you're enjoying the walking and rediscovering the little and big things in life that the extra weight took away from you. Would you believe that it just keeps getting better and better? Your progress is AMAZING. I can't wait to see where you'll be in a week, in a month, in a year from now! Well, in a year I know you'll be happily maintaining. :)

  11. Ann - what a great inspiration you are.
    Indeed, I blinked and looked up and
    saw Valentines stuff in the store.
    Tick tock baby, times a flying by!

  12. You're truly an inspiration! Congrats on your success thus far! 2011 is your year!

  13. Walking outside is lovely here. We have some gorgeous weather lately. Today was ubernice. Those squats kill me. I mean, I get all wobbly legged. OMG...hate em.

  14. You are doing it! I know how great I feel after a good walk, and since I have recently started jogging (slowly) it's actually become fun. I NEVER thought I'd say that.

  15. Congrats on being half way home. That is amazing.

    I agree with you: as we put on the pounds, we forgot what movement really feels like. It is wonderful to feel the new freedom. I find myself walking taller as I bet you do too!

  16. Wow keep up the good progress!
    I just started my personal journey, I hope I can say "I'm almost half way there" someday!!! :D