Monday, January 24, 2011

Pass Me A Plate of Milk Chocolate Please - And Supersize That

Let me just say, a human body should never ever be the deep shade of purple and blue that my right leg is right now.  It is U G L Y .. now, I hurt even more, just looking at it. 

Yes, I'm having a pity party today.  I'm miserable.  I'm incapacitated (nothing humbles one faster than not being able to go to the bathroom unaided).  My poor husband had to use a vacation day today, because no one could babysit me.  And I'm miserable.  Oh wait, I said that already. 

Misery loves chocolate, as every woman on the face of the earth knows, and I want chocolate - lots and lots of chocolate - milk chocolate, to be exact. 

There, I said it.  I feel sorry for myself, and chocolate makes all things better.  Well, no, it actually doesn't, but interesting that in my hour of pain, I pray first, then go right to chocolate - in thought anyway. 

And no, I'm not actually eating chocolate.  I just WANT to.  My pity party says I deserve at least that, but hey, irrational thoughts can justify anything. 

Milk chocolate may taste good, but it solves nothing.  In fact, it makes things worse.  I don't need to be incapacitated AND putting weight back on, so I am not giving in to the urge - the very, very strong urge. 

After losing all this weight, it is interesting that the mind still goes there though, isn't it?  But, where I used to just give in, I now shrug it off.  That is something, anyway.

More of me hurts, but that is to be expected, I suppose.  I feel like I've been run over by a truck, or what I imagine being run over by a truck should feel. 

I neglected to relate an interesting event from Friday.  The nurse/technician who helped me in radiology, was positioning the inflexible, injured leg to get a proper scan of it (assuming it may be broken).  While moving the leg, she stopped and looked at me with a puzzled expression.  She asked if I'd lost a lot of weight lately, and added, "I mean, a LOT of weight."  (Yes, I said, why?)  She was trying to adjust the leg, and the skin on the thigh just moved, like it was a loose blanket covering my limb or something.  It was really weird.  I guess I only really saw my leg when I was standing, and didn't really pay it much attention before the injury. 

I don't track my thigh measurements really, but I did have a thigh measurement from my 307 weight (the RIGHT thigh, as it turned out).  Figures, it would be from the injured side, right?  Anyway, I need to remeasure it, to see what changes have taken place there, once I am capable of doing that again.

Has anyone else noticed loose thigh skin?  Great, that my attention has been drawn to mine, just at the time I cannot exercise to help that issue.  Well, I can't let that worry me, or detract me from my diet plan.  I'm not as well hydrated as I have been, which is actually taking some time for me to adjust to, but I have to be practical with my lack of independence and need for assistance right now.  The other diet challenge I have right now is not what I eat, but when.  I am doing a lot of sleeping right now, so I am missing snacks and sometimes even a meal.  My hubby knows my sleep has been sporadic (due to injury/pain) so if I happen to be sleeping through lunch, he lets me sleep.  While uninterrupted sleep is a good and necessary thing right now, I hope I can get back to a regular eating schedule before too long. 

Thank you, to everyone who commented and/or has expressed well wishes and prayers.  I really do appreciate it.  I don't want my blog to degenerate into a litany of woes though, so I'm going to try to return the focus to weight loss, where it belongs.  It is all about getting healthy, right?   I just think how much worse this would've been at 327 lbs ... so, losing weight has all sorts of unforeseen advantages. 

Stick to the journey, reap the benefits, lessen the negative ramifications!

I told my husband that not being able to stand (so not being able to weigh-in) has one advantage.  It will be a suspense-filled surprise, to see what it reads, when I eventually am able to get back on the scale.  I'm working hard through it all, to ensure the number will be a pleasant surprise, not an unpleasant one.

Eat so there are no regrets, right?!! 

Onward and downward, everyone - if I can do it, like this, almost anyone can.  


  1. Yikes... get better fast, dang it!! :) Sorry your sort of stuck there craving chocolate. Thank goodness you have such a great head on those shoulders being that you're a rock star and all!! I have loose skin too.. on my arms, legs. I really need toning. But I have noticed that my skin is really soft. I don't know if that's just a product of losing the weight or eating more nutritiously (or both).
    Hang in there and get some sleep for me too! :)

    God bless,

  2. omg...I'm so far behind o your bog I had no idea! I'm so glad that you are okay!

    I always reccomend Arnica. Its a herb that you can get in a topical gel. it helps with bruising and swelling. Amazing stuff. You can find it in most drug stores and it really helps.

    Get well soon!!!!

  3. Definitely don't worry about the scale right now!! I don't mean to eat with abandon, not at all. But don't stress yourself about the scale.

  4. You are right that it would have been much worse at 327. I love that you are keeping your focus, even though you are pretty much dependent on someone else. Stay strong!

  5. Whenever I think that I "deserve" chocolate or something, I just think that I spent the last 20 years eating what I thought I "deserved". Well, with that logic, I totally deserve to be fat and I am. So I no longer have that mentality (though, I understand it!). I am now trying to remind myself that I deserve to be healthy and fit for my family and I know you feel the same way. Stay strong and stay positive! :-)

  6. Hey, a little whining is very therapeutic. And if you can't piss and moan to your friends, who can you piss and moan to?

    When I "need" chocolate (and what girl doesn't, now and then?) I grab a Jello sugar free dark chocolate pudding. I get a little sweet, a nice hit of chocolaty goodness and it is only 60 calories. :D

  7. Hang in there. I aree with suzi don't worry about the scale! Good luck on your recovery

  8. Get better quick Ann. Keeping you in my thoughts.

  9. Good for you for fighting the urge to eat that chocolate today! I hope you get well soon so you can get moving on your own again! I also have some extra thigh skin. I figured it was going to happen so I've tried to work that area a lot. Really, I have extra skin everywhere and I'm hoping it will go back to place on its own!

  10. I cannot believe you turned down chocolate during all of this! You are so strong Ann. You are doing such an amazing job!

  11. Sorry about your fall. Get well soon.

    So you never touched any chocolate even after it was calling you like that ? Power of the mind, right there ! In that same state, I probably would've been all over it. I understand however that you are motivated by the fact that you aren't moving much, so why eat something that you won't be able to "lose" through exercise ?

    I guess moments like these call us to be creative. Perhaps we can't work the bottom half, but what about the upper ? You're on a roll anyway so I don't see you about to give in to any sort of temptation anytime soon, if at all!

  12. Hang in there....I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Wishing you a speedy recovery and maybe just a little bit of milk chocolate to help you through!

  13. Oh, that is tough, so sorry that you can't even get to the toilet unaided. And yeah, I'd be pondering the chocolate if I were in your situation and yeah, it won't make anything better, just worse.

    Hang in there and may this pass very soon and you find yourself on the other side with a great loss staring back up at you from the scale.

  14. Just came by to say hey, as I was thinking 'bout ya. Hope you are mending well and appetite is calm.

    Update when you can, sweetums.

  15. Hang in there. And yes, eat so no regrets.

  16. Please help lead me out of temptation. Reading your post of fighting the good fight while feeling miserable will surely help me as I contend with my pain. Hang tough, Ann.


  17. I've lost 105 pounds so far and yes...there is loose skin and there will be loose skin. But it doesn't happen all at once and doesn't go away all at once but it does go away. It's just one of those things that happens when you loose a huge amount of weight. I hope you continue to heal and feel better.

  18. Feel better soon!

    I am not looking forward to having to deal with the loose skin after losing all this weight

    P.S. You have an award on my blog!