Let me just say, a human body should never ever be the deep shade of purple and blue that my right leg is right now. It is U G L Y .. now, I hurt even more, just looking at it.
Yes, I'm having a pity party today. I'm miserable. I'm incapacitated (nothing humbles one faster than not being able to go to the bathroom unaided). My poor husband had to use a vacation day today, because no one could babysit me. And I'm miserable. Oh wait, I said that already.
Misery loves chocolate, as every woman on the face of the earth knows, and I want chocolate - lots and lots of chocolate - milk chocolate, to be exact.
There, I said it. I feel sorry for myself, and chocolate makes all things better. Well, no, it actually doesn't, but interesting that in my hour of pain, I pray first, then go right to chocolate - in thought anyway.
And no, I'm not actually eating chocolate. I just WANT to. My pity party says I deserve at least that, but hey, irrational thoughts can justify anything.
Milk chocolate may taste good, but it solves nothing. In fact, it makes things worse. I don't need to be incapacitated AND putting weight back on, so I am not giving in to the urge - the very, very strong urge.
After losing all this weight, it is interesting that the mind still goes there though, isn't it? But, where I used to just give in, I now shrug it off. That is something, anyway.
More of me hurts, but that is to be expected, I suppose. I feel like I've been run over by a truck, or what I imagine being run over by a truck should feel.
I neglected to relate an interesting event from Friday. The nurse/technician who helped me in radiology, was positioning the inflexible, injured leg to get a proper scan of it (assuming it may be broken). While moving the leg, she stopped and looked at me with a puzzled expression. She asked if I'd lost a lot of weight lately, and added, "I mean, a LOT of weight." (Yes, I said, why?) She was trying to adjust the leg, and the skin on the thigh just moved, like it was a loose blanket covering my limb or something. It was really weird. I guess I only really saw my leg when I was standing, and didn't really pay it much attention before the injury.
I don't track my thigh measurements really, but I did have a thigh measurement from my 307 weight (the RIGHT thigh, as it turned out). Figures, it would be from the injured side, right? Anyway, I need to remeasure it, to see what changes have taken place there, once I am capable of doing that again.
Has anyone else noticed loose thigh skin? Great, that my attention has been drawn to mine, just at the time I cannot exercise to help that issue. Well, I can't let that worry me, or detract me from my diet plan. I'm not as well hydrated as I have been, which is actually taking some time for me to adjust to, but I have to be practical with my lack of independence and need for assistance right now. The other diet challenge I have right now is not what I eat, but when. I am doing a lot of sleeping right now, so I am missing snacks and sometimes even a meal. My hubby knows my sleep has been sporadic (due to injury/pain) so if I happen to be sleeping through lunch, he lets me sleep. While uninterrupted sleep is a good and necessary thing right now, I hope I can get back to a regular eating schedule before too long.
Thank you, to everyone who commented and/or has expressed well wishes and prayers. I really do appreciate it. I don't want my blog to degenerate into a litany of woes though, so I'm going to try to return the focus to weight loss, where it belongs. It is all about getting healthy, right? I just think how much worse this would've been at 327 lbs ... so, losing weight has all sorts of unforeseen advantages.
Stick to the journey, reap the benefits, lessen the negative ramifications!
I told my husband that not being able to stand (so not being able to weigh-in) has one advantage. It will be a suspense-filled surprise, to see what it reads, when I eventually am able to get back on the scale. I'm working hard through it all, to ensure the number will be a pleasant surprise, not an unpleasant one.
Eat so there are no regrets, right?!!
Onward and downward, everyone - if I can do it, like this, almost anyone can.