Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Day 56 - What is Different This Time?

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Normally, this would be celebrated by receiving a few cards and well wishes in the mail, a little gift from Mom and Dad via UPS, and always dinner at Carrabbas (Chicken Bryan, thankyouverymuch) with my husband.

Chicken Bryan is loaded with goat cheese and lemon butter sauce, among other things.

I love(d) it so.

Yeah, I'm not doing Chicken Bryan this year. No worries.

And no, I'm not giving myself "a day off" for my birthday. That sort of thinking is NOT conducive to weight reduction.

And here is the remarkable thing about that previous paragraph. I'm sticking to my diet, despite having one of the worst months ever, despite wanting to celebrate my birthday (but it is pretty much going unrecognized this year), AND despite feeling irritated that "the wall" picked THIS week to appear.

Stupid plateau.

My diet has become my constant. It is the thing that cannot be messed with, compromised, or willfully disregarded (even if just for one day).

This is because I am putting my health first, if it kills me.

Bad things happen - mostly good things happen, but we all have those rough patches. And everyone gets through them the best way they can. I've been helped by reading all those wonderful blogs out there, bloggers who've deviated off their diets because life tossed a curve ball, and now (after the fact) they are struggling and wishing they got back on their plans sooner.

I've been there myself in years past.

Those bloggers' struggles (some completely understandable) got me to thinking about what I've done in the past, and how it didn't work for me in the long run. And I decided this time, no matter what, I need to do things differently.

I need a different result.

Well, I'm sure being put to the test. And, so far, my resolve is steadfast.

Something I haven't shared before (not really germaine to this topic, but is important background for me/my journal) is that I lost my mother earlier this year. It was sudden and unexpected ... and a mere two weeks after Dad was diagnosed with a very aggressive bone cancer.

I won't go into all the doctor and hospital and treatment things, as I help Dad through this crisis. Everyone knows what that is about.

This month has just been particularly hard.

In addition to caring for Dad (which is tough enough), just this month, our riding mower died, my dishwasher quit (after a major cooking day, of course, so I have loads and loads of dishes to do now by hand), and I was just ticketed because I did my husband a favor, at his request, taking his car for a gas fill-up ... well, "oops" ... he forgot to renew his registration by the end of August.

My husband is usually ANAL about getting that stuff done early, but we've had our hands full and it simply slipped his mind.

Fines, court costs, processing fees ... let's just say, my "birthday" - modest as it is anyway - is now going to the county this month. I'm cooking at home - and even washing my own dishes.

Whoa is me, right?

No way.

My point in even mentioning all this stuff, is to say that despite it all (death, terminal illnesses, financial setbacks, etc.) - and the half dozen really good justifications I'd have to temporarily step away from my diet - I'm NOT eating off plan.

Life is good and bad, fair and not, but it is all the life I have. I can use the bumps as an excuse to self-indulge, or I can do myself the biggest kindness of all, by trying my very hardest to get healthy.

So, my diet has become my constant, the island in a September sea of turmoil this year.

And, this pretty sad birthday (the first without Mom, and Dad - because he is really in no shape to celebrate anything right now), will pretty much be forgotten and ignored, and that is okay. It is soon enough going to be history, and then I would have to face my weight again anyway, so I figured this time, I'm not going to let life distract me enough to make my health a lessor priority.

As it turns out, maybe my weight loss (assuming I get off this plateau), will be the one thing I can actually cling to this September, as a good moment.

And, I know, life will soon swing the pendulum in the other direction, and I'll be back to more good moments than not so good. Life is pretty great that way. And it will be something to look forward to, and at a lower weight this time!

It is about determination, not self-pity, and certainly not self-indulgence. This is what is different this time, as opposed to my previous diet attempts.

I'm doing something different, so my results will be different, so I will be healthier.

There is only one true path to a good result, and it is up to me to stay on it.

Day 56 and praying my 20-year old car doesn't quit now (of all times) ...


  1. Ann, I am in awe of your determination. Never quit. Never say die. Good for you.

  2. Thanks for stopping by, Kathy! I have to be honest, I didn't really expect anyone to comment on this posting. It isn't easy to say something amidst so much not-so-great stuff going on, but you get it. I'm not having a pity-party at all, just highlighting that we can overcome just about anything if we put our minds to it. Not everything, mind you. Death is a tough one (Mom died before I started this weight loss journey). You know that firsthand, unfortunately. We all have our pain to bare, and our joys to share, don't we? Anyway, thank you, my challenge buddy, for your kind words. And I'll echo them back to YOU - never quit. You only lose the battle when you give up. Onward and downward!! xxox

  3. Ann, this is a great motivational post and I am touched by it. I know you are speaking (writing) from your heart and didn't set out to motivate, but it does. Both my parents are deceased and it does make the special days pretty ordinary. But it's okay, and it's life.

    You have had enough of life throwing things at you lately. I do hope you end September with the loss of pounds you hope for.

  4. You have a great attitude. I;m going to save this so I come back and read next time I want to jump off my wagon. Thanks for posting!

  5. My have been through so much! And you have persevered with such grace. I admire your attitude, and I wish you the very best with your weight loss and with your dad's health.

  6. Ann, you are one strong lady with a great attitude. You're having a tough year and the fact that you are choosing to be strong about your health is so admirable. I wish the best for you and your family. Happy Birthday (early).

  7. Gee, thanks for all the kind words. I've just reread my post, and I probably shared more than I needed to, in order to make my point. LOL The spotlight was really supposed to be my focus on weight loss and sticking to my diet plan, even through adversity. So many, many people out here in Blogland are going through trials and tribulations, of all sorts, and doing the same thing I am - NOT turning to their old standby of comfort food. It isn't easy, but we can do it!

    I am speaking from my heart, Jo, but it was nice that someone else can use something from it.

    Crazy, you flatter me. I posted this for much the same reason - so at a weaker moment, I can go back and reread this post for strength.

    Karyn, I think most of us can say we've been through a lot. I'm not unique in that way, I know. Thank you for the best wishes for Dad's health!! He is fighting a battle we're not at all sure he can win, but we're giving it our all, and adding prayers to God.

    Tammy, no one ever called me strong before. I don't think you'd think of me as strong, if you saw me sitting in the car wash this afternoon, crying, all alone. LOL Oh, I am capable of throwing a great pity-party, trust me, just no turning to comfort food! We can do this, right?! And thank you for my very first official "happy birthday" wish this year! xx

  8. I am just catching up on reading...

    Life is good and yes that pendulum is bound to swing the other way at some point. Gotta believe it!

    So sorry to hear about your Mom (and Dad's health).

    Happy Birthday Ann.

  9. Just getting ready for bed, hurrying, and I wasn't really ready for a moving post like this Ann. But it is, a wonderful post.
    You are a strong woman, and it is a motivation to see all you've had to deal with and are strong enough to stay with your plan. I admire you for that, and hope you are proud of it!!!

    I'm so sorry about your parents :( Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post with us.

    Keep that great attitude! Hugs