Day 56 - What is Different This Time?

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Normally, this would be celebrated by receiving a few cards and well wishes in the mail, a little gift from Mom and Dad via UPS, and always dinner at Carrabbas (Chicken Bryan, thankyouverymuch) with my husband.

Chicken Bryan is loaded with goat cheese and lemon butter sauce, among other things.

I love(d) it so.

Yeah, I'm not doing Chicken Bryan this year. No worries.

And no, I'm not giving myself "a day off" for my birthday. That sort of thinking is NOT conducive to weight reduction.

And here is the remarkable thing about that previous paragraph. I'm sticking to my diet, despite having one of the worst months ever, despite wanting to celebrate my birthday (but it is pretty much going unrecognized this year), AND despite feeling irritated that "the wall" picked THIS week to appear.

Stupid plateau.

My diet has become my constant. It is the thing that cannot be messed with, compromised, or willfully disregarded (even if just for one day).

This is because I am putting my health first, if it kills me.

Bad things happen - mostly good things happen, but we all have those rough patches. And everyone gets through them the best way they can. I've been helped by reading all those wonderful blogs out there, bloggers who've deviated off their diets because life tossed a curve ball, and now (after the fact) they are struggling and wishing they got back on their plans sooner.

I've been there myself in years past.

Those bloggers' struggles (some completely understandable) got me to thinking about what I've done in the past, and how it didn't work for me in the long run. And I decided this time, no matter what, I need to do things differently.

I need a different result.

Well, I'm sure being put to the test. And, so far, my resolve is steadfast.

Something I haven't shared before (not really germaine to this topic, but is important background for me/my journal) is that I lost my mother earlier this year. It was sudden and unexpected ... and a mere two weeks after Dad was diagnosed with a very aggressive bone cancer.

I won't go into all the doctor and hospital and treatment things, as I help Dad through this crisis. Everyone knows what that is about.

This month has just been particularly hard.

In addition to caring for Dad (which is tough enough), just this month, our riding mower died, my dishwasher quit (after a major cooking day, of course, so I have loads and loads of dishes to do now by hand), and I was just ticketed because I did my husband a favor, at his request, taking his car for a gas fill-up ... well, "oops" ... he forgot to renew his registration by the end of August.

My husband is usually ANAL about getting that stuff done early, but we've had our hands full and it simply slipped his mind.

Fines, court costs, processing fees ... let's just say, my "birthday" - modest as it is anyway - is now going to the county this month. I'm cooking at home - and even washing my own dishes.

Whoa is me, right?

No way.

My point in even mentioning all this stuff, is to say that despite it all (death, terminal illnesses, financial setbacks, etc.) - and the half dozen really good justifications I'd have to temporarily step away from my diet - I'm NOT eating off plan.

Life is good and bad, fair and not, but it is all the life I have. I can use the bumps as an excuse to self-indulge, or I can do myself the biggest kindness of all, by trying my very hardest to get healthy.

So, my diet has become my constant, the island in a September sea of turmoil this year.

And, this pretty sad birthday (the first without Mom, and Dad - because he is really in no shape to celebrate anything right now), will pretty much be forgotten and ignored, and that is okay. It is soon enough going to be history, and then I would have to face my weight again anyway, so I figured this time, I'm not going to let life distract me enough to make my health a lessor priority.

As it turns out, maybe my weight loss (assuming I get off this plateau), will be the one thing I can actually cling to this September, as a good moment.

And, I know, life will soon swing the pendulum in the other direction, and I'll be back to more good moments than not so good. Life is pretty great that way. And it will be something to look forward to, and at a lower weight this time!

It is about determination, not self-pity, and certainly not self-indulgence. This is what is different this time, as opposed to my previous diet attempts.

I'm doing something different, so my results will be different, so I will be healthier.

There is only one true path to a good result, and it is up to me to stay on it.

Day 56 and praying my 20-year old car doesn't quit now (of all times) ...