Yes, it is once again time for 24-Update Friday, my biweekly attempt to squeeze into the like-new size-24 jeans, which have taunted me for years from the back of my closet.
Here is a link to the beginning, as it turned out, of the 24-Update: The Very First Attempt
Yes, I was literally afraid (and almost at the point) I'd have to call someone to help cut me out of them. Pretty funny stuff, looking back on it. At the time, however, I was more than a little worried.
On my most recent attempt, as you may recall, I was able to actually get the zipper 1/4 of the way up. The botton and button hole still had a 2.5" gap to master, before meeting. I was able to get the very edges of the wasitband material to touch (barely) if I sucked in my abs - well, where abs should be anyway.
So, for today's attempt ...
24-Update # 5: Progress!
By now, it is no surprise that I have plenty of leg room, so I get the jeans up the legs with no "second skin" issues. These days, it is all about navigating the jeans over the hips and mid-section.
So, here is the milestone moment for today. I ZIPPED & BUTTONED THE JEANS !!!
Okay, I couldn't breathe, and had to do a LOT of sucking it up. I struggled for several minutes, but I did it. I couldn't bend, or move, but it was progress! The jeans were like a second skin, of course - a really TIGHT second skin. My biggest fear was for the middle of the zipper ... it looked like it was going to split, the material was pulled so tight through that area. And the second biggest fear was that the button would fling off and knock a hole in the facing wall if I coughed or inhaled. Well, that, and I may have squeezed some internal organs too hard ...
The zippered/buttoned moment lasted 30 seconds, folks. I couldn't walk, breathe or bend, but two weeks ago I couldn't push it even half that far.
I am still a long way from wearing them - in private, never mind public - but for a brief shining 30 seconds, I was elated.
I had to unzip them carefully, so the zipper wouldn't split, and then (literally) peel the jeans down to the legs. You know, when I first tried them on, I weighed 279. I theorized I'd need to lose 22 or 23 lbs before I could wear them. Well, I'm 257 as of my last weigh-in - 22 lbs. down. Clearly, my estimates were way off. LOL I think I'll need to be closer to 245 lbs before I could truly wear these. I failed to take into account two things about these ancient size-24 jeans: 1. they were manufactured before the modern stretchy/comfortable jean material was invented, and 2. they don't have elastic - anywhere. There may actually be a third reason, but that would be conjecture on my part. Perhaps, over the last 10-15 years, manufacturers have been more generous in their cuts/sizing - and these ancient jeans were more ridigly sized, in keeping with the era in which they were created. (Yes, the infamous size-24 jeans are OLDER than 15 years.)
Anyway, the size-24 jeans are once again neatly folded and back in the drawer, awaiting the next biweekly attempt.
Join me again in two weeks to see how it goes.
I have to admit, I won't take it quite as far again next week, if the material still appears as tight. I really pushed the boundaries this morning, and risked the garment in the process. I don't want to have saved the jeans all these years, just to split the fabric or break the zipper, rendering the jeans useless. (Thus, the mere 30-second "summit" moment.) With luck and persistent hard work, I hope to make the jeans wearable - at least in private - by Valentine's Day. Yes, today's attempt has given me an idea of when they may actually be wearable. They have to fit right, however, before I'd wear them in public. That will be a little further out, I'm sure.
Now I have to go and stretch out a little bit. I think I squeezed the internal organs a bit too much. Can one bruise a spleen?